you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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