i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize