i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
