New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
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