Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Randomize
