I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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