A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
