the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
