is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
