Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
