The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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