Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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