The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
