um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
