My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Randomize
