i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
