we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
