Your mouth is God's brothel.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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