I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Randomize
