I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
