I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
