Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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