So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
false alarm. still invincible.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
