I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
