just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
