i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
You need a sexual gate keeper
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
