well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Sorry my hands just texted you
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
