I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
