Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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