Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
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