You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
