How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
