i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
