he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
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