Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
