I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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