I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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