I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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