I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
