Little spoons don't ask big questions
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
