Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
