I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Randomize
