I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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