Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
