Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Randomize
