Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
