She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
