I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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