Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
