Sponge bath it is.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
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