also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize