go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
