Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Randomize
