I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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