you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
