your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
