I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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