phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
