So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
