i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
