I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
babies were throwing up all over the place
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Randomize
