tell your sister to shave her snatch
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
