Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
