so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
