i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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