talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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