Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
