My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
We don't watch enough power rangers
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
